Funny, outrageous and downright weird things the stars told Hit writers in 2011.

Actress Natalie Portman arrives at the 83rd Annual Academy Awards

You have to divorce yourself from any expectations of prestige and just try and make something you'd actually wanna see.
>> Oscar schmoscar. Natalie Portman just wants to play dumb

If I see something sagging, bagging or dragging I'll get it nipped, tucked or sucked.
>> Dolly Parton, plastic surgery advocate since way back

I used to perform sketches for my parents, usually about the Iran-Contra affair.
>> Where Zach Galifianakis's career began

My mother emailed the BBC to say Pete Waterman was speaking out of his a---. Valid point. Thanks, Mum.
>> James Blunt lets his mummy fight his battles

Women do get drunk, they do get sick and they do get food poisoning. It seems to be a bit of a surprise to people that they are seeing it.
>> Kristen Wiig on the biggest movie surprise of the year: Bridesmaids

That's the difference between star and ... SUPERSTAR!
>> Jack Black knows he's lower than Angelina Jolie on the Hollywood chain of command

I base all my characters on hair.
>> With a thatch like Patrick Dempsey's, who wouldn't?

The more complicated the movie, the more complex the budget, the more lonely it gets. There's a point where ... who do you go to, other than prayer and friends?
>> Making blockbusters ain't all it's cracked up to be, says Guillermo del Toro

Nothing is better than the moment you have Michael Bolton dressed as Forrest Gump.
>> The Lonely Island's Akiva Schaffer

I've had a lot of people asking why Gnarls Barkley changed his name to Cee Lo Green.
>> Forget you, Gnarls Bark... er, Cee Lo Green

We still don't care about anything, but mayube we're not going to swear about it now.
>> The Vines' Craig Nicholls has grown out of the F word

F--- me, this is a big old massive piece of good movie nonsense.
>> James McAvoy sums up the appeal of the movie blockbuster

You get comments like, 'Oi, Elbow, get a job'. That means, 'Congratulations! I admire what you're doing'.
>> Star power counts for nowt Guy Garvey's part of the world

Really, the F word in a song - it should be the least of the worries of parents these days.
>> Enrique Iglesias

It's not so much they won, it's just they lost less. It's a hollow victory at best.
>> Colin Hay on the legal battle over Men At Work's Down Under

When you are playing an egomaniac running a fantastical ship, you don't want him to be too suburban. Naturalism doesn't work on the high seas.
>> Geoffrey Rush

I'm not going to be there anyway.
>> Robert Duvall doesn't care who turns up to his funeral

We all love Spinal Tap, but maybe it did damage.
>> Gunner Duff McKagan is over that whole ‘rock stars are dumb' myth

Some of the most intelligent people I know are actors.
>> Ditto on the ‘actors are dumb' myth, says Maeve Dermody

You're not supposed to be accepting trophies. You're supposed to be in the back being mad that people are getting trophies.
>> Zach Galifianakis prefers laughs to awards

It just takes a pebble to bring down a good man.
>> Ben Harper

I wonder if we can get an AFI Award out of this...
>> Leigh Whannell on his American-made movie Insidious. Well, it did have four Aussies on set

There's a point (where) you are going to be an actress who is judged on her performances and her skills or an actress who is judged on how she looks in her bikini. It's a choice we all make.
>> Guess which way Reese Witherspoon went?

I don't need sparkles to sparkle. I would sparkle in a garbage bag.
>> The Hives' ever humble frontman Pelle

I would like to have a second shot at that wedding dance. Let's just say I didn't really practise very much. Thankfully my husband loves me very much and didn't really mind that I stepped on his toes a little bit.
>> Michelle Monaghan's Aussie fella lets this one slide

It was kind of like a Make a Wish Foundation Thing.
>> Mike D on making rich, privileged movie stars' dreams come true by letting them be in a Beastie Boys video

As soon as I stepped off the plane, I felt very small.
>> Chris Hemsworth, the man who would one day be Thor, on his arrival into Hollywood

You should never try irony or self-effacing humour.
>> Tim Robbins finds the British media can't take a joke

She's getting boobs and everything. I'm freaking out!
>> Paul Walker mortifies his 12 year old daughter. In print.

One of my biggest disappointments is watching the trailer for the second Lord of the Rings film and having Gandalf in it. Why? He died in the first one, why give it away in the trailer just to try and sell 1000 more seats? It’s daft.
>> Nick Frost

I think you're underestimating Ian McKellen's appeal.
>> Simon Pegg

Most people hate that their mum has a Facebook page, but I love that my mum does.
>> Family-friendly Miley Cyrus

Dad, girls don't fall down every time they run.
>> How Wes Craven's daughter convinced her dad that his Scream heroine shouldn't be a helpless girlie girl

That was my idea, a reverse Janet Jackson. Why is it OK for a woman to do that and not a man?
>> Maroon 5 frontman Adam Levine on posing nude with his man-bits covered by his girlfriend's hands

It was crushingly disappointing as a fan of The Simpsons to discover that it's just you in a room speaking into a microphone. I thought I was going to become friends with Homer Simpson, but unfortunately none of them are real.
>> Russell Brand

I'm a terrible gauge because I was concerned I wasn't doing well and yet I received so much attention.
>> Oscar nominee, moi? The Social Network's Jesse Eisenberg just doesn't get it

Quite a few kids in the street have been, let's just say, reluctant to go anywhere near me.
>> Playing Harry Potter baddie Draco Malfoy isn't all glitz and glamour, says Tom Felton

The only other person in the whole building was Scott who runs the studio. Scott opened up the door and heard us playing Teen Spirit, stopped for a second, looked puzzled and closed the door.
>> Dave Grohl on the closest thing there'll ever be to a Nirvana reunion

I had to run for life from polar bears.
>> Making films in Russia is different, says How I Ended This Summer director Alexei Popogrebsky

Maybe it's because I have too much pride or self-respect, but I thought, `Why does a guy who has thinning hair and who is overweight have to be a loser or a joke?'
>> Paul Giamatti doesn't find it funny

Lady Gaga calls me her Jesus? Well... I wonder what that means.
>> So do we, Grace Jones

It got tot he point where it wasn't a good record unless you literally opened a vein up. Come on, it's just a f---ing record! I mean, it's art, but it's not like you're building homes for the homeless, is it?
>> k.d. lang

If you come expecting to see a girl kick me in the face, that's not going to happen.
>> Well then, we demand a refund, Usher

I had (in my mind's eye) a guy from an aristocratic family, a well-bred chap, Lord Pumpernickel's son. I open my eyes and there's a guy covered in tattoos, with the worst occupation ever: rock star.''
>> Lionel Richie took a while to warm up to daughter Nicole's hubby Joel ``Good Charlotte'' Madden

The sickle training was something else.
>> The things Aussie girl Isabel Lucas has to do for a Hollywood movie!

People say, ‘You wear that even when it's hot?' Yeah, what am I gonna do, save it for a special occasion?
>> Chris Isaak will pull his glitter suit out whenever, wherever

I'm only 14, so the jury's still out on that kind of thing.
>> Abigail Breslin thinks it's too early to commit to being a movie star for life

Really, if you haven't heard of REM yet, you probably never will.
>> Even more so now the band have split, hey Mike Mills?

We're the only ones who mean anything right now.
>> Liam Gallagher on his new band, er, ah, what are they called again?

He asked how my flight was to Paris. I said, `Good' and he said, `This will probably be the last you hear from me'.
>> Owen Wilson on working with Woody Allen

Don't make the show too long. I don't like it when it's too long.
>> Kylie's biggest critic? Her nephew.

My husband, when I was filming the Millennium movies, he asked me, `How far are you going and when are you coming back?'
>> Noomi Rapace went all the way to become the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

When I look back on my life, I don't have regrets about what I didn't do. If I'd become a musician, it could have ruined my life.
>> Clint Eastwood

I think pretty much everyone would. Seriously. Animals do it all the time. That's all we are.
>> 127 Hours director Danny Boyle says you'd cut off your arm, too

Trust me, I did a little research on Demi before I pulled the trigger.
>> If only she'd done a little research on you, Ashton Kutcher

I'll do a musical. An ass-kickin' musical!
>> We'd pay to see that, Dwayne Johnson

I was trying to, but unfortunately I was dodging bottles and bullets because most of the people in my neighbourhood weren't that proud of me ...
>> Mark Wahlberg tried to act cool back in the Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch days

From my perspective, which I'm most familiar with ...
>> Jeff Bridges states the obvious

This is my unemployment look.
>> Christian Bale

There were a couple of days where I thought I might die. I really didn't think I was going to make it, you know, being dramatic as I am.
>> Putting in an Oscar-winning performance for Black Swan was draining for diva Natalie Portman

I don't actually drive trains. I'm an actor.
>> Chris Pine, star of Unstoppable

Diane Keaton and I worked in different branches of the service. She was in the intellectual branch and I on the running, jumping and falling down branch.
>> Harrison Ford

I met him when he was, what would he have been, 12 when I first worked with him? Twelve going on 35!
>> Gary Oldman on his No.1 fanboy, Daniel Radcliffe

What do you mean, bigger things? I don't know if there's bigger than Harry Potter.
>> You've got us there, Daniel Radcliffe

I don't know how they get my number, but at 2am there's screaming girls. I need to change my number.
>> Don't worry, Jack Vidgen. They'll lose interest soon enough

I'm quite good at leaning against a bar.
>> And we'd like to join you, Daniel Craig

I believe in things I can count on, like beer and ESPN and my grandmother's pecan pie.
>> But Justin Timberlake doesn't believe in happily ever after, sorry ladies

I was so close to putting it in the too-hard basket.
>> Gotye's Somebody That I Used to Know was almost a song we didn't know

I actually enjoyed changing diapers and I enjoyed swaddling. I don't mind being swaddled either, on occasion.
>> Jason Bateman

Ha. I've got a teenage daughter, you know.
>> Do we take that as a yes, you are a pot-smoking recluse, Sade?

You'll laugh at the comedy of errors that is my life.
>> Poison's Bret Michaels talks up his autobiography

It actually has more gravity to it than I realised when I burned action figures as a child.
>> Neil Patrick Harris has stopped aiming his magnifying glass at The Smurfs

I got to the stage where I started speaking like The Count from Sesame Street before takes just to get it out of the way
>> Betcha Robert Pattinson doesn't have to do that, Colin Farrell

Them gigs were horrible. Worst ever. U2 fans are cardboard cutouts.
>> Kasabian's Tom Meighan won't have received a Christmas card from Bono

The perception of him as brooding and dark and miserable, that is baloney. Kurt Cobain was a funny dude.
>> Nirvana's Krist Novoselic

I have the same remorse over that I have over not being able to see The Wiggles.
>> Steve Carell on missing two of the greats: The Wiggles and The Beatles

Harper's favourite song goes, `Yummy yummy yummy in my tummy tummy tummy'. I could be the next Wiggles!
>> Keep working at it, Natalie Bassingthwaighte

‘Can you arrange that, Grandma?' I told her I'd try.
>> Suzie Quatro is determined to hook the grandkids up with Rihanna

I tried making an album six years ago. It was just horrific. Trust me, it's smashed into smithereens. I paid big money to silence that one.
>> Hugh Jackman swears he'll never be a pop star

I grew out my armpit hair for the summer. It turns out my natural hair colour isn't blonde.
>> Anna Faris

She may have been able to solve family disputes when we were three. I think the time of that authority is long since gone.
>> Noel Gallagher says his mum can't force him to make up with Liam

I know a lot of artists say, `If you want your song on my record, I get 50 per cent' _ I'd like to kick them in the face.
>> Kelly Clarkson won't be letting any old pop singer take credit for one of her songs

One guy literally sent me, `I want you to die' 150 times. That plays on your mind if you read it every day.
>> We imagine it would, Jessie J

I said (to Daniel Jones), ‘You realise I'm always going to be The Guy From Savage Garden'. He said, ‘How do you think I feel? I'm The Other One From Savage Garden!'
>> Darren Hayes

I'm telling you, he's already the whitest person you ever saw ... he turned almost clear!
>> Albert Brooks on threatening director Nicolas Winding Refn to get a job on Drive

My family worry for me because I'm gonna burn in an eternal pit of fire.
>> Brad Pitt doesn't share his family's religious outlook

I guess if you're an extra who gets burned alive it's no fun, but I had a ball!
>> Val Kilmer on being Batman

I'm not one of those artists who refuses to play their hits. I find that ridiculous. Hits are a blessing.
>> Right on, Lenny Kravitz!

I hurt myself doing a fight scene with some dwarves.
>> That's not something you hear every day, Kristen Stewart

I would vote for Johnny Depp. We could use a president that could swashbuckle.
>> George Clooney